Dukes of Awesome

JOHN MADDEN YOU BASTARD. EA Sports? You’re dead to me.

Why?

Demetrius Bell is the lowest rated player in Madden.

Curses! You are totally messing with a promising rookie’s head! I mean, he’s Karl Malone’s illegitimate son! He’s got lineage! I heartily disagree with your ranking system.

I hate you and your confidence-damaging ways. I mean, D-Bell is totally crushed:

‘That’s nothing to me.’ It makes me feel even better because this time next year, I want to see what my rating is.”

Wait, what? That’s motivation? So wait, EA Sports, you gave a player with a massive chip on his shoulder even MORE reason to kick ass?

Thank you, John Madden and EA Sports. This is bulletin board material in the Bills’ locker room. I certainly hope you didn’t rank Marshawn Lynch below someone like Ronnie Brown.

OH.  SHIT. I smell a hit and run.