Filed under: Buffalo Bills, NFL News, colts | Tags: bills new defensive coach, bob sanders in buffalo, buffalo bills coaches, green bay sucks without farve and the jets suck with him
- “Why didn’t anyone tell me Brett left!?”
- It is physically and nearly mathematically impossible to have a worse d-line then last year. So he can’t be of much hurt.
- He was just fired, so maybe he can’t be of much help.
- His defense ranked near the bottom of the league, despite playing whatever QB scrub Minnesota started (twice); whatever QB scrub Detroit started (twice); and whatever QB scrub Chicago started (twice).
- He went to Davidson, so it fits the profile of Bills coaches who are both book smart and lack personality.
- He coached at Duke, so he is well equipped to coach terrible talent.
- He coached at Florida in the 90s, so he is well equipped to coach beneath head coaches who are awful in the NFL.
- Despite the uncanny resemblance he is not related to Bob Sanders of the Colts
- He was fired for blowing too many fourth quarter leads, something he shouldn’t have to worry about in Buffalo, because the odds of us actually having a fourth quarter lead are as remote as the US government sucessfully spending their way out of this budget deficit. That’s right.
Filed under: NFL News, idiots | Tags: black guys in flowered shorts, Brady Quinn, is that Keuka Lake?, toolbags
Man, what a tool.
Filed under: Buffalo Sabres, NHL News | Tags: B. Thomas Golisano, Buffalo Sabres Ownership, Larry Quinn, SAVE OUR SABRES
So the Sabres have some new owners, in some sense. Good for them.
No really – good for them. I’m sure that people are fired up that Larry Quinn has more power, or the Tom G. is potentially selling the Sabres piece by piece, but I believe that this could actually be a good thing.
When Tom Golisano saved the team (and yes, many tend to forget that he did save the team) he made it known that for all intensive purposes he’d be a bridge between the previous failed ownership and the next group to buy the team. Golisano had never been a big sports guy. He didn’t buy the team to fulfill some childhood sports dream; rather he bought the team because the team matters to the people of WNY. And it’s extremely likely that without him we wouldn’t have the Sabres right now. Remember how close to losing the team we were after Hamister’s bid failed? The team was a financial mess, no other ownership group was stepping up, and all we could do was put up “S.O.S – Save Our Sabres” stickers on some lampposts.
So Tom came and did his part. He bought the team. He made them financially viable. And now he’s willing to set them up with the next ownership group – on his terms. And the problem with this is? Golisano is going on 67 years old. No one in his family has any interest in running the team. Do we really want a Ralph Wilson-esque problem on our hands if he dies in 5 years? The big problem with the Bills is that there is no succession plan in place, and that’s all you hear people complain about on the radio and newspaper. And now Golisano wants to set up the next owners (owners that will keep the team in Buffalo, no questions) and suddenly that’s a problem.
So good for the Sabres. By being proactive in the ownership situation we can ensure the Sabres will remain right here in Buffalo. And considering how little we can take for granted, that I’ll take.
Filed under: Bills Bus, Bills Obsession | Tags: BILLS BUS > BANG BUS, Doug Flutie > Rob Johnson, Elvis is not dead, FLUTIE FLAKES!, Jeebus Raves, THE BUS LIVES
How have you been sleeping the last few days Bills Nation? Not well? Lots of tossing and turning? Up all hours all night worried about the status of my Bills Bus?
Well, sleep well now, Bills Nation. The bus has risen from the dead.
Turns out that what brought down a 2-ton party machine was nothing more then a small, corroded yellow wire. That’s it. If 20 years of massive frame corrosion hasn’t stopped the bus yet, well then there’s no way a little wire’s gonna stop our big friend. Me and my bus laugh in the face of frayed wires. Well mainly my bus. I had no idea what the problem was. I half expected when the bus broke down that there would be a part under the hood holding a little “Fix Me” sign. And when that didn’t happen, I was out of ideas.
So all the credit goes to my new best friend AJ. Without him, the bus would slowly be eroding into a gigantic rust ornament in my parents driveway. Instead, our season is saved. So hats off AJ, hats off.
The bus’ resurrection got me thinking about other notable resurrections in history.
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Death: Lazarus
Resurrecter: Jesus
Date: 30ish AD
Impressiveness: Pretty impressive. Everybody loves a good comeback story, and Lazareth arguably had history’s first. Too bad no one was around to put it on YouTube.
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Death: The Buffalo Bills 1998 season
Resurrecter: Doug Flutie
Date: October 11, 1998
Impressiveness: Very. The Bills had fallen to an 0-3 start under Rob “Mr. Sack” Johnson before the 27th injury of Rob’s career forced Doug into the game. We all know the rest. Doug not only saved the season, but arguable the franchise as the renewed interest sold all the needed club seats to renew the lease.
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Death: Elvis
Resurrecter: The World Weekly News
Date: Monthly
Impressiveness: While the resurrection of Elvis was impressive the first time, it loses its luster after the World Weekly News touts it month after month. We get it, he’s alive. Now stop recycling your news. Besides, we’re long overdue for that weird alien dude to endorse a political figure.
=======
Death: My Bills Bus
Resurrecter: AJ
Date: Thursday evening.
Impressiveness: One of the most impressive in modern history. Battling rain, an assistant (me) as clueless as the Chinese news media, and a bus undercoating rust-frosted like a wedding cake, AJ still got the job done. Even the Taliban didn’t face odds this menacing back in 2001.
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So we are locked and loaded for football season(s). First tailgate event – UB football’s season opener… so if you are going – meet up with us for the first official tailgate of the year. And help us raise a glass to AJ – official mechanic emeritus of the Dukes.
Filed under: Bills Obsession | Tags: buffalo bills bus, buffalo mechanic needed, HELP THE DUKES!, how to fix a bus
I own a Buffalo Bills short bus.
A former 1988 Chevy short bus, now converted into a rolling tailgate machine, complete with a TV, ample tailgate space, and a hood signed by Paul Pusluzny. Purchased in the spring, the thought of tailgating in it come fall had been the last thing in my head before sleep, and the first thing I thought about when I woke up.
But alas, nothing ever comes easy these days…
A bus issue that was a small inconvenience this spring has now balloon into a full on bus problem. The bus doesn’t start. And no mechanic that I know can service it due to its size.
So here’s where you come in. I am in desperate need of a mechanic that can service this ASAP. I’m not looking for anything free here, I just need the contact of a good, honest mechanic who can fix the problem.
The details: Its a short bus sitting cut from a Chevy Suburban chassis. It’s weight is 4200 lbs, and is about 9ish feet tall. Again, it was cut from a Suburban chassis, so the front of it is shaped like a van. The problem is likely in the fuel line or fuel pump. And it has 4 tires on the rear axle.
So, please – let me know if you know someone ASAP. Football season is fast approaching, and if it can’t be ready for kickoff come opening day I may as well kill myself. If you don’t know someone, please ask some one who might. And to repeat – I’m not looking for anything for free, just some connections.
Oh, and if you know a tow dude who can tow this, well that’d be appreciated too.
Thanks in advance, friendly reader. I’m confident you’ll come through for me. And I’ll count you in for the Seattle tailgate.
Filed under: Bills Obsession, Wow | Tags: abusing the system, buffalo sports vacations, errantremark wishes he was buckybrooks girlfriend so he, NERD ALERT, squish the fish, you wish you led this life
The great thing about America is you can pick any stupid topic and no matter how mundane and uninteresting it may seem, you will undeniably find people who are completely obsessed by it. Vacuum Cleaners. Hotel Key Cards. The Atlanta Hawks. You name it, and I’m pretty sure a surprisingly large number of people love it.
For me, my obsession is the commercial aviation industry. I love everything about it: the inability for any airline (other then Southwest) to turn a profit for more then 3 days; the fact that a minor snow squall in Duluth will delay and cancel 1,500 flights across America; the unparalleled disaster that is the Philadelphia Airport (try flying through there and having your luggage show up at your destination sometime in the same decade).
But what I love most about commercial aviation is how relatively easy it is to fly for free. In the last six month’s I’ve accumulated well over 200,000 frequent flyer miles (enough for theoretically 8 round-trip U.S. tickets), and all without ever taking a single flight. How I’ve been getting all these miles is of no concern for a Buffalo sports blog (if you really want to know, drop me an email), but what is of concern is using this free travel to support our beloved sports teams in road venues across America.
So armed with more then 6 weeks of vacation time, the Bills and freshly-released Sabres schedules, and eternal Buffalo optimism, I’ve outlined 5 different Buffalo sports vacations over 5 different months. I’d love to go to to all 5, but reality says that probably won’t happened. But nothings preventing you from going to at least 1, no matter what your budget is.
Miami: October 24-27
Since we won’t be able to watch the comedy show that is the Dolphins live in Buffalo – why not venture down to Miami instead? If you’ve never seen a Bills-Dolphins game in Miami this trip should be a must. There’s no sports city that hops the bandwagon with as much zeal as Miami, and the Dolphins poor performance last year made tickets easily available. The stadium will have roughly about 20,000 Bills fans (between transplants and vacationers), the Buffalo tailgates pregame have a great Ralph Wilson Stadium vibe, and you can’t go to the beach or bars that weekend without hearing “Lets Go Buffalo” chants. I went last year and it was a complete blast, although waving this sign around post game almost got me killed:
Get there Friday and take part in a full weekend of Buffalo-themed parties already organized. Plus you’ll be able to watch the Sabres game Saturday night with Kent Hull and hundreds of Buffalo fans. Seriously – check out that link.
How expensive?: Moderate. Always a prime vacation spot, flights and hotels get booked quickly. So make your reservations now.
Odds of me going: 100%. Tickets are already booked.
Boston: November 7-10
Oh the beauty of the Buffalo double. Sabres @ Bruins on Saturday night. Bills @ Patriots on Sunday afternoon. See two teams for the price of one (trip). Perfect, right?
Maybe not – Patriots tickets are notoriously difficult to get: look to spend at least $80 for Standing Room tix, double it if you want to sit, triple it if you want to sit anywhere remotely close to field. Tack on the expensiveness of Boston (from hotels to $40 stadium parking) and combine that with obnoxiousness of the Bostonians that you’ll have to deal with for a few days.
Biggest problem with this trip is that too much is tied up in us winning the Bills’ game. If we pull off the upset the trip would undoubtedly be worth it. But I’m not excited about the prospect of paying $80 to stand on a ramp and watch from a distance as the Patriots run up the score in a Nor’easter. Even booing Chara for a few hours the night before couldn’t save the weekend then.
How expensive?: Surprisingly expensive, relatively.
Odds of me going: 30%. Like the “double” opportunity, hate the price. Don’t like the odds of winning, either.
New Jersey: December 12-15
Another great Buffalo double. Saturday night spent @ the Prudential Center to watch the Sabres vs. Devils (largely considered one of the best new arenas in America); Sunday afternoon in the Meadowlands to watch Bills vs. Jets. What’s great about this trip is that it’s pretty inexpensive. The Devils draw roughly 17 people per game leading to abundant tickets for walk-ups and below face scalpers; and on the football side, for a big market sellout team Jets’ tickets are fairly easy to get on the secondary market.
If you’re looking for a Buffalo roadtrip on the cheap, this one is it. Save money by carpooling and driving into Jersey on Saturday, staying just one night in Newark. Get three friends to split the costs and you could do everything for easily under $200 each. Or get their a day early and stop in Atlantic City, and you’ll have seen everything there is to see in NJ, and will never have to step foot in that joke of a state again.
How expensive?: Cheap. Surprisingly cheap.
Odds of me going: 85%. At that price, how can I not?
Phoenix: January 28-31
From January 10th to February 3rd, the Sabres will play only 1 home game in the friendly confines of HSBC Arena. As someone who really needs a hockey fix this gap is far too long. Plus the Sabres will undoubtedly need some road support to make it through this stretch. So pick a roadie to go to. How about Sabres @ Coyotes on January 31?
Here’s why to choose Phoenix: interesting arena, numerous cheap tickets, large Buffalo contingent, great January weather, and a sensational peripheral event – the FBR Open a mere 12 miles away.
The FBR Open is not your typically PGA event. Billed as “The Greatest Show on Grass”, it’s not only the highest attended event of the year, it’s also by far the rowdiest. The tournament is described as “one big party” with an atmosphere similar to the infield at the Kentucky Derby. Great shots are cheered with unbridled enthusiasm; poor shots are raucously booed. In fact, one time Justin Leonard even gave the finger to the gallery after they booed a particually bad shot. Where else can you see that, but at at the FBR?
Fly in Wednesday, take in a few days of the tournament, and fly the red eye home after the Sabres game on Saturday. Be home in time for Sunday – to watch the Bills win the Superbowl.
How expensive?: Moderate. Only real expensive part is the flight. Use some frequent flyer miles for a free flight, and an action packed 4 days in Arizona becomes very affordable.
Odds of me going: 50%. I actually really wanted to go to the FBR open before the Sabres schedule came out. The Sabres game made this even more attractive.
Honolulu: February 5-12
It’s been a busy few months jetting around the country. The Bills have just won the Super Bowl, you spent 24 hours camping out to have the best spot for the parade down Delaware, and you’ve finally recovered from that 4 day post-Superbowl boozefest/hangover. Now you need a real vacation.
Aloha Pro-Bowl! A week of sandy beaches, NFL Player parties, and sunny 85-degree days. Not only is it the last chance to see pro football for 6 months (and yes, I use that term loosely to describe the Pro-Bowl), but it could be the last chance to see the Pro-Bowl in Hawaii (it’s rumored to move possibly in 2010).
So enjoy it while you can. Tickets are always abundant and it’s a great excuse to go to Hawaii (which offers all sorts of awesome non-sports things to do). Plus the odds are you’ll have the opportunity to shares some Mai-Thais on the beach with Brian Moorman. Good luck making that happen anywhere else.
How expensive?: Very. Here’s where having a lot of free hotel rooms and free airfare would help.
Odds of me going: 40%. I long targeted the 2009 Pro Bowl as a vacation, and I have the points to make it possible.
Filed under: Bills Obsession, Buffalo Bills Memoribilia, Reading is for winners | Tags: Damien Covington, Dukes of Awesome Book Club, Jim Kelly, marv levy, steve tasker, ted washington
For all the positive publicity that summer gets, we do tend to forget some of the negative points – mainly the NFL news wire slows to a pace even slower then Anthony Thomas.
So what’s there to do? Well how about the next time you hit the beach, you pick up one of the many Bills books available for reading? Not only are many of them a really interesting beach read, but it will give you something to do when those teenage female volleyball players run off to call the police because you won’t stop staring at them.
I’m fairly well read when it comes to Bills books, so let me offer you this – my guide to Bills summer reading. But first, since this is a football related blog post I’m contractually obligated to mention Brett Favre, so… Brett Favre. Good, I’m glad we got that over with.
Relentless: The Hard-Hitting History of Buffalo Bills Football
Published for the 35 year anniversary of the Buffalo Bills, you won’t find a more in depth book out there. At roughly the size of the phonebook, Relentless packs a wallop of a punch, with detailed stories and full page glossy photographs. It being nearly 15 years old now, it does come off as a little dated, and although a companion volume was issued to get us to year 40 (2000), it still misses some of the more interesting stories of recent memory. Even so, you won’t find a better book for a Bills fan.
But is it beach reading material? Sadly it is not, unless you frequently bring you set of encyclopedias to the beach. Think of it as a coffee table book. Well a coffee table book that if it got a chance, would murder every book and People magazine around it.
If this book was a player it would be: Ted Washington. Huge and dominant in every way.
Steve Tasker’s Tales from the Buffalo Bills
Steve Tasker’s take on his days in Buffalo – from his arrival to retirement. One of my favorite players of all time actually does a very good job of breaking down all of the moments of his career into short clips that are both interesting and easy to digest.
Both readable and fun, this book epitomizes a beach read. Grab it on the way to Sunset next time.
If this book was a player it would be: Steve Tasker. He did write the book after all.
Tale of the tape: A history of the Buffalo Bills from the inside
There was few people in the Bills organization that spent more time around the team then longtime trainer Eddie Abramoski. After his retirement with 40 years of service, he penned some memoriors from a behind the scenes take.
The book is interesting in the sense that it’s one of the few “inside” stories that was not written by a player. Sadly though, the book lacks the true neutrality that you’d hope from a non-player. It seems at times that Eddie is pandering to certain former Bills, and he doesn’t get into the dirt and nitty gritty that undeniably must have occurred during his time. Additionally the book does drag at times, including a chapter detailing his pigeon racing.
If this book was a player it would be: Damien Covington. Solid at times but forgettable.
Armed & Dangerous by Jim Kelly
Not much to say here, because I figure that if you are a fan of Kelly you’ve already read it (being that it’s 15 years old); and if you’re not, well odds are you aren’t placing an order to Amazon.com anytime soon.
If you haven’t read it, but were interested here’s a quick synopsis: written at a time when Jim Kelly really really loved himself, its a decent read about his life, family, and early pro days.
If this book was a player it would be: ummm, Jim Kelly? In the early 90s, no one loved Jim as much as Jim loved Jim. The only thing that loves Jim nearly as much is this book.
This moderately interesting read details the stories behind 40 or so players deemed to be “Legends” by author Randy Schultz. Interesting concept, but here’s the problem – all the real legends we know a ton about (you can’t tell me anything new about Jim Kelly in a 4-page chapter); and to fill the book Mr. Shultz really bended the definition of the term legend. Was Tony Greene really a “Legend”? And was Drew Bledsoe for that matter?
Read this book if you want to learn a few things about some overlooked players from Bills history. Just don’t expect to be blown away.
If this book was a player it would be: Joe Panos. Seems like it could work out well, but overall just kind of disappointing.
Ahhh, there it is – the mother of all Bills beach reads… Finally a book that has it all.
Not only does it have all the moments of the Bills’ history, both good and bad; but it is actually written from a true outsiders perspective. You want the truth about how the Flutie-Johnson affected the lockerroom? All the information about the “Bickering Bills”? It’s all here: holding back no punches and pandering to no one.
Very readable, full of great sidebars of trivia, lists, and “tidbits” – a true must read for any Bills fan. Take it to the beach, on a plane, wherever. It won’t disappoint.
If this book was a player it would be: Marv Levy. Just as Marv’s shadow is cast over any future head coach, this book should be the standard of future Bills novels. And yes, I know that Marv wasn’t a player. But work with me here.
Do you have your own favorite Bills read? Let me know in the comment box.
Filed under: Bills Obsession, Buffalo Bills, idiots | Tags: james hardy riding shotgun, no seriously we had no idea you weren't around, welcome back buckybrooks it's like you never left, you're that important
Remember me?
Yes, I know its been a while since we last conversed. I had been on a torrid writing pace before work and work travel not only limited my free writing time, but also gave me the mother of all summer colds (sadly, this amateur blogging thing doesn’t pay as well as you would think).
I’m more than pleased that my fellow Dukes picked up my slack in my absence with some great posts. And that’s only furthered my appetite to get blogging again – and finish up some series I started before my mini-sabbatical.
Last month, I wrote about four reasons why we can get excited about this upcoming Bills seasons. Our tens of thousands of loyal readers took my post to heart and bumped our season ticket tally up to over 53,000 – the largest in over 15 years. Now I’m not going to take full credit for every season ticket sold, but lets give credit where credit is due – I am nearly singlehandedly responsible for this marked increase.
So now that I’ve sufficiently hyped the team to nearly sell out every game before single game seats even go on sale, I think it’s my responsibility to bring everyone down to earth, just a bit. So in the interest of equal time for equal sides, here are four reasons why maybe booking those non-refundable tickets to Tampa may not be the best idea just yet. Two sides – I report, you decide. Not even FOXNews is that fair.
1. James Hardy’s inability to stay away from trouble
James Hardy’s been a Bill for barely two months, but he’s already been at least part of the story in two off the field incidents: he pulled a gun on his father in May; and was reportedly riding shotgun in Marshawn’s Grand Theft Auto inspired trip down Delaware. Lucky for him, no charges (or serious charges) were filed in either case.
Either Hardy just has a history of being unluckily in the wrong place at the wrong time (there were other incidents in college where no charges were never filled), or this is just another incident in a disturbing trend. In some ways he’s already at a crossroads in his career: he can follow the Eric Moulds or the Chris Henry path – two WRs who after some off the field stuff in college made distinctly different choices of how to live their lives as pros. Hopefully he makes the right choice (and doesn’t hit anyone in his SUV when navigating this crossroads).
The truth is Hardy is more key to our offense then many realize. His size will free up not only Evans, but also let Lynch run the ball without having 19 defensive players lined up in the box. Plus he’ll be a giant red zone threat, which is literally huge, because last year we had but one TD catch from a receiver NOT named Lee Evans (give yourself a point if you remember who).
2. Trent Edwards’ fear of cold weather
Trent played decent last year. Not as great as some writers would have you believe, but for a rookie who didn’t expect to play at all at the start of the year, he played pretty well. His mid-70 passer rating from last year won’t make him many friends if it shows up this year, but many (including myself) believe that with a full year of offseason practice as “The Man” under his belt, his ratings will no doubt improve.
What’s worrisome however, is the difference in play between “Good Weather Trent” and “Bad Weather Trent”. Edward’s performance was noticeably different when the weather was calm and warm, compared to when it was cold or windy. Granted any QB will play better in nice weather, but Trent’s drop was unusually severe. The best example was the Giants game where Trent masterfully built a 14-0 lead before a biblical monsoon washed the Giants to victory. Trent was downright awful in the rain and the wind, throwing bad passes and picks like Pacman throwing dollars at a strip club.
For the Bills to be successful, Trent’s going to have to play better in the elements we have post-September. Who knows if he can do it – before last season, he never played a single cold weather game at any level. If he can’t we have two options: to watch him bungle around in the November like Kelly Holcomb did; or we can work together to burn fossil fuels with enough blatant disregard so to speed up this global warming thing a few hundred years.
3. The real Marcus Stroud?
As I posted earlier, Marcus Stroud is a definite huge addition for the team by adding a run stuffing DT we haven’t had in years. But all that hinges on us getting the pre-microfracture Stroud and not an injured shell of his former self.
After the 2006 season, Stroud underwent ankle microfractrue surgery to repair a hole in his cartilage. Last year he still struggled a bit between being less then a year removed from the surgery and having to serve a drug suspension from the NFL. There was a reason why the Jags parted with the former Pro-Bowl for only a 3rd and 5th round pick – the number of players who have come back from microfactured ankles to play at their pre-injury level can be counted on one hand.
If Stroud can’t come back, we’ll have obtained a slow, aged, former star as a key role filler (remember Eddie Robinson?). Granted the cost wasn’t huge, but I won’t be thinking about that as Julius Jones rumbles for 179 yards during the season opener.
4. Special Special Teams
For the last few years, one of the few bright spots for the Bills have been the play of the Special Teams. Besides being our most exciting unit, they were also the most consistent – and sent 3 different players to the pro bowl (bonus points if you can name them all). Plus the squad is lead by arguably the best Special Teams coach in the planet, Bobby April.
While this offseason the Bills were lucky enough not to lose any key starters to free agency, they did suffer some pretty large Special Teams losses. Punt gunners, kickoff coveragers, and wedgemen are all gone, and these rolls will be filled by rookies. There will be a decent sized talent drop and there will be real pressure on Bobby April cut the learning curve and perform like last year.
It’s inevitable that this season we will see a few Special Teams breakdowns. And in close games, that could be the difference between a win a loss. We’ve lost a few games over the last 3 seasons – but none due to Special Teams. It’d be painful to see that change this year.
OK, now before all you loyal readers go rush to dispute your season ticket credit card charge, know this: I am much more optimistic then pessimistic about this season, and am predicting very big things (I’ve already reserved a vacation week for the Super Bowl). So as I type the rust off the blogging keyboard, let’s go forward with our optimism of playoffs and Tom Brady-injuries, but with a foot (slightly) rooted in reality.
Filed under: idiots, lacrosse, stupid sports traditions, that was random | Tags: Does the WNBA attendance record count family members?, i can't believe the state of carolina has more stanley, jackin shots like grinnell, so does the expos banner relocate to Washington?, UNC - long on talent - short on self esteem
So we’re getting a new banner for HSBC Arena.
If you missed the other 20 plugs I gave the game, earlier this month our Buffalo Bandits dispatched the Portland Lumberjacks to claim the title of the National Lacrosse League. If you weren’t one of the 18,690 in the sellout crowd, you missed out on a raucous atmosphere and a thrilling finish. I strongly believe there aren’t many things better then watching your team win a title in front of the home crowd.
Sadly though, most titles aren’t won at home. That leaves the sole home celebration for the banner raising ceremony the following season. And even if you were lucky enough to witness a title won it at home, everyone still loves a good banner raising. I know I cant wait till our 2008 banner joins its three brothers:
I love banners and what they represent, and dorkishly take them very seriously. I think as a sports society we are getting far too carried away raising banners. I suppose that teams know that raising a banner (no matter how silly it is) will make us feel like winners; plus raising a banner always seems to draw a good crowd.
But we need to reign in this epidemic of frivolous banners, and so I’m proposing some rules on banner raising. And in this time of controversial wars, economic downturn, and disagreements on the definition of marriage, whether you’re a Democrat or Republican I think that this platform can be a uniting factor for America. As an added incentive, the first presidential candidate to adopt these rules as a part of their platform will get me to endorse their campaign and all the political clout that comes with it. Let the political pandering begin!
So I’ll present to you my rules for hanging a banner. And as an added bonus: the most pointless banners in all of sports.
Anyhow, first the rules:
- To raise a banner you have to win a championship, be it a division, conference, or league title. No banners can be raised to celebrate simply a “good” season where you advanced far but won nothing. Exceptions can be made for College Basketball (see Rule 7).
- A team can only raise 2 banners for a season. Pick them any way you like. There will be no hanging of 10 different banners for every championship you win.
- “Minor” major sports (Arena Football, Box Lacrosse, etc.) can only raise League Championship banner if they share their arena with a NBA or NHL team. If you are in an arena or city where there are no “Big-4″ sports you can raise banners for division, conference, or league titles.
- Banners cannot be raised commemorating arena events. It’s nice that your arena hosted the 1996 John Deere Bull Riding Championship or the first round of the Big Sky Conference women’s ice hockey tournament, but lets find some other way to memorialize those special moments.
- For teams that have been relocated, no banners from the previous cities should be hung.
- Banners can be put up for reborn franchises celebrating players and championships from the prior team (though the leagues frequently outlaw it).
- Mid-major college basketball teams can raise a banner for NCAA/NIT tourney invites. Major conference teams cannot – regardless if you aren’t traditionally a basketball school. Your banners can only come out for the making the Sweet 16.
- No cross banner raising. Pick one place for the banner to be. Your college basketball team may play 2 games a year downtown in the big professional arena, but they don’t get a banner there if you win the conference. Exceptions can be made for teams like UConn, who split a full season evenly over the Gampel Pavilion and the Hartford Civic Center.
- No re-raising banners. Once their up, they are up until you move (or space considerations force a rearrange).
- No retroactively awarding banners for past seasons. Wish you raised a division banner too that year you also won the conference? Oh well, should have done it then, not 12 years later.
- No changing banners. The Sabres were guilty of this earlier this year when they reconfigured their ‘97 Division and ‘99 Conference banners to match the look of their other banners. Banner uniformity is nice, but changing banners deprives fans of looking at the rafters and having their “I was there when that banner was raised” nostalgia.
With these rules in mind, I set out to find the 3 worst banners hung currently in arenas and stadiums around America. The only banners considered were banners currently hanging. I ignored stupid banners no longer hanging, like that banner that Duke hung at the end of the regular season in 1999, proclaiming them the #1 team in the AP Poll. Stupid banners that will no doubt be hung in the future, like Tulsa’s inevitable CBI Champions banner, will have to be saved for a part 2. And if I missed any bad banners (which I’m sure I did), just let me know.
Honorable Mention: Montreal’s “Expos Banner”
OK Montreal, you can’t show a team absolutely zero fan support for an entire decade and run them out of town, and then pretend you care enough to hang a banner up in the Bell “Centre” next to all the Stanley Cup ones. If the Expos meant that much to you, you’d still have the team.
Honorable Mention: Grinnell College’s “Points Banner”
Note: Sadly these are the only banners I couldn’t find a picture of, though I vividly recall them from their moment in the sun game on ESPN a few years back. If you miraculously have a picture, please send it in.
If you’ve never heard of D-III Grinnell, it’s time to get acquainted. The Pioneers rely on a unique system, which utilizes a constant full-court press, a focus on shooting at least 100 shots a game (with the majority of them three-pointers), and substitutions of five players at a time every 35 to 40 seconds hockey style. I’ll admit, their system is fun to watch, and it nets Grinnell averages of over 120 ppgs (although they do also give up nearly that many points as well). What’s stupidis that Grinnell memorializes the seasons that they lead the NCAA in scoring with a banner. This type of banner is generally pretty silly, but even more so when it’s not the result of skill, but rather circumstance. It’s inevitable that you’ll always lead the NCAA in scoring because of the system, so until your ready to hang the “Most Points Given Up in the NCAA” banners next to the other banners, it’s time to take them down. Besides, your other accomplishments are actually more impressive.
Honorable Mention: North Carolina’s “Imagery Champions Banner”
I think that no school or team has a bigger love of hanging banners then the Tarheels. Banners to document every tournament appearance?
Check. Banners to document ACC Titles (even regular season ones)?
Check. Banners to honor every player ever?
Check. Banners that are redundant and say basically the same thing as other banners?
Check. A banner to honor to honor a National Championship that doesn’t exist?
Checkmate. It’s that 1924 National Champions banner that angers me the most. There are no 1924 National Champions – it doesn’t exist. What does exist is a couple of guys getting together in the 1930s, naming themselves the “Helms Foundation” and declaring UNC the 1924 National Champions. Their title isn’t recognized by the NCAA (or anyone else for that matter), just UNC. It especially isn’t recognized by Butler, who also considers themselves to be national champs (and at least they won a tourney at year’s end).
All kidding aside, I do worry about the safety of the Tarheel faithful. I’m concerned that there is so much canvas hanging from that roof that if there ever was a fire in the rafters the entire arena would burn down in under 4 minutes.
Honorable Mention: Mets “Winners” Banners
Note: click the photo to enlarge and then check out 1999
If there’s one word a banner can’t say, its “winners.” Winning a single playoff series does not merit a banner, especially in New York – a city where supposedly all that matters are league titles.
3rd Place: Indianapolis Colts’ “Finalist Banner”
Ok, if there’s a second word that a banner shouldn’t say, its “Finalists”. The NFL playoffs are a beauty contest or a season of “American Idol” – there are no finalists, just champions and losers. And guess which one the Colts were in 1995.
2nd Place: Duke Football’s “Graduation Banner”
I know Duke doesn’t have a lot to be proud of when it comes to football, but really guys? I mean, the reason why your graduation rate is so high is because your teams are so awful that no one declares for the draft early. Plus this begs the question – whats your excuse for sucking during the non-banner years? Clearly not academics.
First Place: Washington Mystic’s “Attendance Banner”
Most WNBA banners are generally pretty useless, but these take the cake. At one time, Washington hung 6 of these “Attendance Champions” banners at the Verizon Center. It has since been pared down 3, as they had to make room for a Georgetown Final Four banner (slightly more prestigious). Thats not to say I don’t see the Mystics rationale for celebrating their Attendance Title, I do: it is a major accomplishment getting anyone to come to a WNBA game, even when most of your tickets were given away for free. Still though, if any banners cheapen an arena, these would be them.
Those are the best I came across. Again, if you think I missed one, let me know. If my future sports travels showcase any other bad ones, I’ll have my trusty Polaroid camera ready to document the moment and you’ll see it here first.
Update: Thanks to everyone who informed me about additionally awful banners I overlooked in this article. I’m going to be hunting for some images of them and posting about them next week, so come back and check them out then.
Filed under: Bills Obsession, draft picks, that was random | Tags: buffalo zen, haiku wrap-up, James Hardy, misappropriation of culture, poetry for season tickets
Well its been an eventful month at One Bills Drive. But with all the hoopla surrounding the Bandits title run, planning that big Memorial Day cookout with the in-laws, and going to see Iron Man 9 times, its likely that you may have missed a few Bills stories in the last 30 days. So to get you caught up, I’m taking a quick break from my usual content-free free postings to give you the wrap-up of main Bills news for the month of May.
Since this is the internet age and all, and since people have a lot of distractions and not a lot of time, the stories are presented in Haiku format to provide you with a quick read. I mean, if you don’t have enough time for a few haikus, you may need to re-examine your life. Plus by having all haikus, we are embracing the NFL’s global outreach policy by reaching out to the overlooked Japanese Poet demographic.
So with out further ado, you Bills news for the month of May, 17 syllables at a time:
Hardy pulls out piece,
but dad does not press charges.
Please leave gun at home
Bruce to be on Wall
ceremony at the Ralph
Bruce, don’t show up drunk
OTAs resume
Nearly all players attend.
And no injuries!
Peters wants more cash
What changed from your last contract?
Oh yea, that Pro Bowl
Bills in Toronto.
Tickets released and pricey,
but still selling fast
Season tix are hot
Now over 50K sold
I got mine… do you?
Everett released
Now can collect insurance
But Bill forever
CBA opt out.
Ralph’s vote in 06 was right,
But no one listened
All in all, it was a slow news month for Bills fans, but then again really no good news can come in May. Hopefully, our June is equally uneventful. Just make sure to tune back in here at the end of the month for my June Limerick wrap up.
